i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did you just send me my own nude
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
