My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
