Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
pop tarts are not kleenex
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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