Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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