Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
