The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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