I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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