yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
