I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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