I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
this boner is exhausting
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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