i just wanna soil my oats bro
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
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Are my feet made of real feet?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
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You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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