guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
