How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
