What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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