he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
