Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
