He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Randomize
