so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
