She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you mean i was at the winter classic?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
