Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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