I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My liver just broke up with me...
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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