Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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