i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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