So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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