We named our party play list daddy issues
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
