i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
