six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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