I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
