Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
