so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
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They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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