the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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