I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
