I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
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We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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