So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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