Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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