You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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