we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT