theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear