Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
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I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
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his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
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