The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
