i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
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I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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