apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
