They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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