Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.