"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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