The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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