Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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