The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
