There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
