I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
All the doctor said was why
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
