last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
