We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
