My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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