Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
