Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Terrible idea I love it
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
