he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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