Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
how drunk are you?
Several
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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