it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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