Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
