I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
