from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
