he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
