I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
