jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
