Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
