you have to choose: penises or morals?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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