I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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