Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
