he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
