Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
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JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
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We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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