It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
