his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
