i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Just invented taco cereal.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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