He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I showed him my bush... on skype.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
