Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize