I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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