so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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