one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
