i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
